Email Me!’s blog

This just in, I got invited to a party!

From: Michael Ray <spingojr@...>
To: Peggy C. <dixiesexymama@...>, Stephanie H. <tallgirl2go@...>, Shannon P. <princessgirl166@...>, Samantha W. <sunshine2u@...>, Rebecca S. <littleblondie@...>, Millie D. <prettynpink2u@...>, Leslie W. <tigerpaws@...>, Jill S. <sexygirl4u@...>, Jennifer O. <simplysweet@...>, Jennifer N. <hottie14u@...>, Erika C. <sweettasting2u@...>, Cindy T. <2cute4u@...>, Chris M. <cmoreofme@...>, Amber T. <kissme4ever@...>, Alexandra C. <onehotblondie4him@...>, Adam S. <slamminandy@...>

We will be having a Super Bowl Party in 2 weeks. I will be everyone to see who wants to bring what. I need everyone who is coming to let me know asap!! I can get a list by next week so we will know how much food to bring. Lrry will be back next week and will we will get together to plan out the event! He has done a great job in the past!!! Chris will be hosting the event at his home!!! We have tons of room!!! Please let me know of ideas for more if u got them!!!!
 
Michael!!!

Hello!!! Michael!!! Slow down a bit!!! What the deuce!!!

Michael and the rest of the Smiths,

So, I don't know why you think I am "Michael Smith", or where you got my email address (...), but hell - this is pretty cool. I might just come crash your Super Bowl party if you give me an address!

At any rate, I can't help but laugh at the collection of email addresses on here.  dixiesexymama?  sexygirl4u?  tallgirl2go?  Either you're a family of nymphos or you're all just crazy (in the good way). Either way is fine by me, I guess, but hell.  That's pretty funny.

Good luck with your party.  Strippers and nachos are definitely the best combination for any party, especially a Super Bowl one.  Play a game of touch football, shirts and skins - if you know what I mean. ;)

Later.

The subject says it all.  Someone by the username of SMITSTER2 signed me up for AdultFriendFinder.  I'm now getting notices of matches found in the Chicago area.

Thank you, Internet, for bringing me random porn to my inbox.  Too bad it's all very, very bad amateur crap.  Oh well, better luck next time.

Apparently someone is concerned about me.  The following was mailed to about four people.  After a bit of scanning - sure enough, this is from the lady who professed her love a few posts back.  Wall of text lady.

Subject: good article

http://www.rd.com/content/openContent.do?contentId=29413&pageIndex=0

I love you!

Okaaaaay.  I replied again.

Robin dearest,

We've been over this before.  I don't know who you are.  And yet here you are again professing your love to me!  I definitely recommend you get your address book checked out - it seems out to get you.

Failing that, you could tell me more about yourself.  Maybe there's a chance that this is fate telling us something.  Are you an 18-25 year old female, somewhere near San Francisco, that likes computers and intelligent discussion?  If you answered yes to all of the above, this may be your lucky day!

Oh goody.

Edit: Got a response!  Because, of course, I use 'reply to all' when I send mail.

Hahahaha!! This is Robin's daughter.  Your email to her made my day.  I will call her sometime this evening after we are both off from work to make sure she rectifies her mistake.  Her brother's name is Mark Smith...I'm sure she has gotten something messed up.  Thanks for humoring all of us.  I'm sure my grandparents and sister, who are on that reply all list, will also get a kick out of it.  BTW: She has daughters that are between 18-25...she does like computers and is quite intelligent. The age thing seems like it may be a problem, haha.

 

Again, Thank you for the laugh.  Hopefully, that is the last time you get something from her. 

 

Sarah

Hah!  So they all have a sense of humor - that's good.

This one just speaks for itself.

Hi Fuckyou,

We hope you enjoyed viewing your friend's photos recently through Walgreens. Try Walgreens for yourself and get digital prints in as little as an hour at your local Walgreens.

...snip ads for more services...

I love being signed up for things I don't need or didn't do.  It just makes my day.

The Institute called, they want their student back.

Saturday greetings to all:

I would appreciate your sending me an updated schedule of time (day of
week and hours) that you plan to work in The Maddy Institute during
the fall semester. If possible, include dates and times that you
anticipate you will need to be off due to midterms/finals/Holidays.
Please send this by Monday noon.

Many thanks!  You time and committment to the Institute is greatly
appreciated.

-naomi

Given that they're some group and not a random person, my response wasn't as sharp or witty as I really wanted to make it.  Pardon how boring this is.

Naomi (and the rest of you),

I'm not entirely sure what the Maddy Institute is, nor how it came to be assumed that I was donating time to it.  However, since you asked, this is my currently scheduled work time -

Monday through Friday, 10:30 AM to 7:30 PM

Give or take 30 minutes at each end to account for daily variance in traffic and the "number of times I hit the snooze bar in the morning" factor.

Now that you are informed as to my status, it would be grand if you could figure out who you meant to email and remove me from your list.

Thanks much and have a great day!

Now to see if I get a response.

Not only do people send me random emails, they tend to sign up for things and put my email address down as theirs.

I'm not entirely sure what causes a person's IQ to drop that low.  Maybe this one will give us a clue.

Welcome, smitty!

Your username is:  smitty, and your password is redneck

You may change it after you login by going to the profile page, or by visiting this page after you login:
http://fireforums.us/cfdforum/index.php?action=profile

Regards,
The Chester Fire Department Discussion Forums Team.

Alas, the password doesn't work now.  Maybe they realized they typed the email wrong and some missing brain cell fired and said "ah crap, maybe that was stupid".  Maybe.

Apparently I've got a job I didn't know about.  Today's email comes from somebody who simply said "see attachment".  The attachment is a lovely Word document that contains the following:

Dear Christina, Katie, Nicole, Robert, Simon, and Erik: 

I would like to begin by thanking all of you for your commitment to The Maddy Institute during this time of transition.  The on-going success of the Maddy mission is a direct reflection of your time and effort in support of the Institute.

I have reviewed our current project needs and would like to propose the following assignments.  Many projects will include two names.  Each project will have one primary/lead student contact who is noted by a *.  Please feel free to contact me with any concerns or preferences that you may have. 

Also, please note that Christina will be assisting Professor Keppler on three projects:  the MPA program, Air Quality and the Maddy Report.  Her priority will be to assist Mark whenever requested.  You may be asked to assist with her other "assignments" in order to meet specific project deadlines.   
 

Christina:  Vuich Event *

            Annual Gala* 

Katie:      California Youth Democracy Alliance* 

Robert:     Proposition Research*

            Debate Research *

            Oral History 

Simon:      Maddy Associates*

            DC Update*

            Internship Program* 

Nicole:     Maddy Associates

            Vuich Event 

Erik:       Proposition Research

            Debate Research

            Oral History* 

We hope to add additional student assistants to support our efforts as well as a permanent, full-time office manager/grant writer. 

Again, many thanks again for all your help.  YOU ARE APPRECIATED.

-naomi 

ps  Would you please send me an update of your Maddy work schedule.

Actually, Naomi, I'm interested in why Christina has other "assignments" and whether I can add some to her schedule.  Sounds more entertaining than whatever this is.

Yesterday I got this little gem.  Apparently it's a forward and a reply to a message from a year ago.  First two parts are the lady and the last part is her love interest.  For your reading pleasure:

No comment?  No call? No nothing?  I guess I know where I stand, eh? You checked your email, so I know you got this.  I still love you.

Forwarded message:

Jerry, you wrote this over a year ago.  Right now, I'm having a very hard time believing you.  In fact, I need to know the truth.  All of it.  You owe me that.  Please be man enough to meet me or call me so I can hear it.  I'm to the point I'll do whatever it takes just to know the truth.  I just need it that much.  I need to know because I need to figure out what I need to do for the rest of my life.  If I have to contact everyone you know at Tetra, in Hillsville, Shannon (I have his phone number and address), the Utts, your mom, Larry, Carolyn, Steve, Randy, Eddie, and whomever else I have information for (and I have a lot 'cause you have shared a lot over the years) then I will.  I will get the truth.  You can make it simple or you can make it hard.  Do I want to do this. No.  It is more pain and extreme stress in my life and I don't need it.  But I need truth.  You have lied to me over and over.  Why?  Do you think I can't love you for who you are? Or is it you can't love me for who I am?  I need to know.  I need a good man in my life.  Are you he?  It's not looking like it right now.  Jerry, HONESTY is what I need.  Do you enjoy being like your dad? Doing the very things you espoused to me that you didn't like in him ?  I don't get how you can carry your "sword" and lie like you do.  How can you?  How can you do all the things you do and pretend to be a Christian?  I don't get that, either.  Why don't you listen to your voice mails?  Do you not want to hear what they say?  Why can't you just be you?  Why can't you be open and honest?  I just don't get it.  I'll leave you alone.  All you have to do is tell me you want me to.  And I will.  Forever.  But right now I believe your family and probably Bonnie think you are spending time with me, that I'm a slut, and this really galls me.  I have no clue what Shannon thinks of me, but it matters to me, whether or not it matters to you.  It matters to me what your family thinks of me whether or not it does to you.  You get mad and pout when I confront you.  It's time to grow up, Jerry.  Get over it and start talking.  I'm not even going to say please. I'm pissed, and why I still love you I just cannot figure out.  If you want a life with me, then you need to start talking and talking fast.  If you don't, then you need to say so.  Either way, I'm going to get to the truth.  It will come out.
     
I love you very much.  I just don't like you very much right now.
Robin

In reply to:

My soulmate,
  I received the email you sent and read it.Needless to say it made me feel worse than I already am.My love for you grows with each passing day,but I feel like I've lost respect for myself and have gotten far away from who I am or rather whom I used to be.This is killing the both of us not to mention our relationship slowly but surely.I've typed and deleted this several times,but have reached the same conclusion each and every time.I don't want to lose you and I certainly can't live without you but like you said and as I just stated,this is getting the best of us health wise not to mention what GOD must think about it.So,until I get my ducks in a row I'm not going to contact you as you insisted the last time .Now please don't think I'm NOT coming for you because that certainly isn't the case.Honey I respect you so very much and the person you are.I feel like a real jerk I haven't made better progress before now.I AM and WILL be contacting you shortly just as soon as I can make things right.I love you tremendously and I know you know that.I've been reading my bible crying and praying about this situiation and I think my selfimposed exile will motivate me to get things done quicker.I love you Robin.With all my heart and all my being.Nothing will ever change that.We are soulmates and we ARE going to spend the rest of our lives together.I just can't do this anymore and I know you can't either.It's going to kill me not being able to talk to you or see you but I know you and I know you agree.Just know that I do love you with all my heart and that just as soon as i get legal I'll be there for you.I love you my Robin.My best friend,and my soulmate.
                                                                                                       With all my love forever
                                                                                                        Your Jerry

In response to this horror, I replied:

I got my email, alright.  I've just not decided how I want to respond.

You see, unfortunately, you've bared your soul to a random person.  I am not Jerry, I am Mark.  While I'm certain you had great intentions sending this, allow me to nitpick for a moment...

1) Paragraphs are your friend!  I opened your email and nearly died -- WALL OF TEXT!  This isn't the Bible, you're allowed to be readable.

2) "I love you, I just don't like you" is so very cliche by now, but while you're at it I recommend a dose of "this hurts me more than it hurts you" and "you'll thank me for this later".  Go for the gold!

3) Who is Bonnie?  New girlfriend?  Ex-girlfriend?  Mother?  Daughter?  Either way, if you have to ask then yes, you probably are a slut.

4) Honestly, men are never really honest.  Hardly ever to themselves and never to the women in their life.  If we were honest, we'd never get laid.

Anyway, I think that's enough for now.  I've got to get back to work.  Have a great day and good luck with Jerry!

Funny enough, she actually replied to my mail:

Howling!!!  I deserved that. You really don't want to know the whole story, now do you?  And I do know a few honest men.  They are rare and few, granted.  And no, I am not a slut....(probably would have had more fun if I had been one...lol) but some folks are going to think so 'cause he's told 'em he was with me and he wasn't.  Again...long story, I'm a fool, and I can laugh about it.

Again...thanks for the reply...It's just what I needed!

Smiles....

Twice:

Still sitting here howling... just a sidenote and I'll not bother you again.  I really do know paragraphs, grammar, and all that. Honest.

Oh, you've made my day.............

Laughing.........

Hey, at least I made her day.